4/30/11.

Day 10,334.

I like the way the post office asks you if you want cash back, and that there is such a thing as "cash back."

IAWL: I sent S and G a nice sympathy e-mail today, though I feel bad that I won't be going to the funeral.

Verdict: Successful. I worked on my Shakespeare paper all day. It was torture, but torture in a good way, in that it was the only goal of the day, the only focus of my attention.

TWO: Lately I have been judging my own thoughts too much: Am I thinking about the right thing? Am I worrying too much? Am I aware enough? Am I happy? And it creates a kind of paranoia. It's good to have an awareness of what I'm doing, but I need to put more thrust into my writing, my passion, my work, or else life seems too empty, and I have too much space to be aware, which makes me paranoid. I need to remember that happiness needs investment in a passion, not only gratitude and peace of mind. But I do feel very grateful. I feel like I have minimal worries right now, but what I'm noticing is that when too much energy goes into gratitude, life starts to feel emptier. A balance between absorption in work and basking in gratitude is necessary.