4/30/11.

Day 10,334.

I like the way the post office asks you if you want cash back, and that there is such a thing as "cash back."

IAWL: I sent S and G a nice sympathy e-mail today, though I feel bad that I won't be going to the funeral.

Verdict: Successful. I worked on my Shakespeare paper all day. It was torture, but torture in a good way, in that it was the only goal of the day, the only focus of my attention.

TWO: Lately I have been judging my own thoughts too much: Am I thinking about the right thing? Am I worrying too much? Am I aware enough? Am I happy? And it creates a kind of paranoia. It's good to have an awareness of what I'm doing, but I need to put more thrust into my writing, my passion, my work, or else life seems too empty, and I have too much space to be aware, which makes me paranoid. I need to remember that happiness needs investment in a passion, not only gratitude and peace of mind. But I do feel very grateful. I feel like I have minimal worries right now, but what I'm noticing is that when too much energy goes into gratitude, life starts to feel emptier. A balance between absorption in work and basking in gratitude is necessary.

4/28/11.

10,332.

I like the way he says "Gulf of Mexico" in Cripple Creek.

IAWL: I talked to D tonight about RSH. I also said to A: "But you're going to survive?" I could have asked more about what was wrong, though.

Verdict: Great. Uncle Jim is almost gone, which is sad, but a great way to immediatize life & death.

TWO: Seeing life (and spending resources) as I do when I'm on vacation--there is a sense of immediacy that puts things in perspective.

4/28/2011

Day 10,328.

I like the way sunglasses make everything dark, and how if you put them on inside, it's too dark.

IAWL: I have nothing today, but I saw a news clip about illegal recycling in China, the people who have to work there. Also, one good way to do IAWL is to ask people if they are going to events, tell them they should go, so they feel wanted.

Verdict: good. I exercised, I read, I am going to watch Alfred Hitchcock Presents.

TWO: Looking forward to the rest of the day only.

4/27/11.

Day 10,327.

I like the way tankers idle at gas stations, waiting to fill the underground tanks.

IAWL: I said thank you to A in S class.

Verdict: good, I had S class, taught, read, slept on a couch.

TWO: focusing on the rest of the day, looking forward to the rest of the day.

4/25/11.

10,326.

I like the way the rainwater gets onto your toes when you're wearing sandals.

IAWL: I sent a card to U. M & A.

Verdict: good...I read today that after his religious rebirth Tolstoy finished each journal entry with "if I am alive."

TWO: compassion.

4/23/11.

10,325.

I like the way cats hide under cars.

IAWL: Today I messaged cousin K to ask about uncle J.

Verdict: great day...I felt very good spiritually, felt as though I reached a turning point where I am able to appreciate the day viscerally instead of just intellectually. I feel like I was somehow able to shift my values so that I care more about the day than about stocks, money. Not sure how long it will last, but it happened.

TWO: Looking forward to living the rest of the day and nothing else.

4/22/11.

10,324.

I like the way I am careful not to open the blinds too much at night, thinking about how they can see me but I can't see them.

IAWL: Went to the reading tonight, talked to N and some other people.

Verdict: Good, I went to the gym in the morning, went to the faculty reading at night.

TWO: Compassion, and seeing mistakes as a tool for shaping the future, a tool for defining oneself, shaping oneself--a positive TOOL that is useful.

4/21/11.

10,323

I like the way the breasts stretch the fabric in between, thin and taut.

IAWL: I was nice to my kids today.

Verdict: Good, I had Shake in the morning, taught in the noon, had form and theory at night.

TWO: compassion

4/20/11.

10,322

I like the way Stone in Love comes on my Journey CD, the way it sounds late at night when I'm driving, a little less familiar than the other songs.

IAWL: I talked to B. Callaway today in San Antonio. She gave me a tour of the Alamo.

Verdict: Good--went to San Antonio. Had a nice drive.

TWO: I need to be more willing to be rejected by girls.

4/19/2011.

Day 10,321.

I like the way 5pm is traffic hour, how the streets get crowded & hot.

IAWL: I held the door for a fat girl today. I also need to pay more attention to kids dropping out of my class. I need to keep on them more. I want to help them get through the class. Too many are dropping out.

Verdict: Good--I had Shakespeare class, taught class, ate Chef Boyardee spaghetti.

TWO: Clearing my head of stocks.

4/18/11.

Day 10,319.

I like the way they ask you at the pharmacy, Do you want to wait or will you come back?

IAWL: I don't know. Didn't talk to anyone today or this weekend. Lots of work.

Verdict: It was a good day. I sat with the window open next to me. I think I am getting better at this. I focused on all the colors and smells at Krogers. The more attention you devote, the better the moment.

TWO: I need to realize that the only thing that really matters is how I treat people. More than that I need to realize that this life is mine, which means I need to pick my own values. I need to stop feeling swayed by society's valuation of things like money and nice things.

4/13/11.

Day 10,315.

I like the way presentations make me a little nervous the night before.

IAWL: I talked to no one today, really. Saw JH in the hall and talked about NB, but that was all.

Verdict: Successful, did a lot of work, enjoyed the air outside.

TWO: Compassion.

4/12/11.

Day 10,315.

I like the way cheese melts on tortilla chips in the oven.

IAWL: Uncle Mike's diabetes have gotten worse. I will have to email him soon.

Verdict: Today was successful.

TWO: Compassion.

4/11/11.

Day 10,314.

I like the way the wind blew in my face while riding home on my bike.

IAWL: I told S I liked her reading.

Verdict: Good.

TWO: Compassion

4/10/11.

Day 10,313.

Oh, folding up a sofa bed, how it goes down, then in.

IAWL: Who knows. Didn't really talk to anyone. Tried to say hi to Dr. C, but he didn't recognize me.

Verdict: Good.

TWO: Compassion.

4/9/11.

Day 10,312.

I like the way pens click, the noise of the clicking.

IAWL: I talked to no one today. But I think at the reading yesterday perhaps I should have been more explicit with my acknowledgments, my how-are-yous. Should have made it a point to tell the readers I liked their stuff.

Verdict: Success. Today was a successful day.

TWO: compassion.

4/7/11.

Day 10,311.

I like the way gas stations are lit up so fluorescent at night, so much brighter than the surrounding parts of town, but you see the fluorescence and you know it is safe under there, supervised in some way, protected.

IAWL: I asked J about next semester, talked to S at the book sale.

Verdict: Good. Successful.

TWO: I need to work on asking people how they are doing, like M did tonight with D in F&T. Also, I need to get away from stocks.

4/6/11.

Day 10,310

I like the way you have to sign on the back of the check.

IAWL: I asked to talk to M on VP.

Verdict: Successful. I did a lot of work. Got a travel voucher.

4/5/11.

Day 10,309.

I like the way Otis lets himself into the cell.

IAWL: Talked to C and S in the coffee shop today, briefly. And J.

Verdict: Very successful. I had conferences, I read, I went food shopping and bought ice cream.

4/4/11.

Day 10,308.

I like the way that cotton sheets feel on my skin.

IAWL: I said hi to B today coming out the elevator. Talked to A, too.

Verdict: Success. I had office hours, CNF workshop.

4/3/11.

Day 10,307.

I like the way eggs cook slowly in the pan, pushing them around with the spatula.

IAWL: I don't know. I emailed J with some nice comments on her paper, etc.

Verdict: good--I had eggs for breakfast, PB&J for lunch, spaghetti with Parmesan for dinner. I read a lot.

4/1/11.

Day 10,305.

I like the way people stand up as soon as the plane lands, and then wait standing up for 10 minutes before the doors open.

IAWL: I met up with S in St. Pete's today, had a couple drinks, tried to be very nice.

Verdict: Great. Almost missed a plane at 7am, checked into the Hilton, drank Yuenglings at night on Tampa Bay.