11/29/11.

THANK YOU FOR NO BED BUGS.

11/27/11.

Thank you for the daily pics from R.

IAWL: Haven't seen any friends in about a week. Recluse mode.

Verdict: But I ate well. Peas with mac and cheese shells. Called it Peas & Cheese.

TWO: Ellipse means knowing the completion will happen.

11/24/11.

Thanksgiving. Thank you for the pork chop, the yams, the peas, the cornbread, the Shiner Cheer, even if I had to eat by myself.

IAWL: I am watching IAWL right now. Didn't talk to anyone today, except Mom and Kelly. Stayed in all day.

Verdict: OK, I had a good dinner, a cold beer.

TWO: Lately I have been feeling like the world is on a very slow decline. SEE THE ELLIPSE. Especially when it comes to money.

11/22/11.

Again, I like the way I can sit here in the dark with the screen lit up. Thank you. Things are very tedious, stressful now, the final crunch weeks of the semester. But I am glad I can sit here with a few moments of peace.

IAWL: I told R she has nice hair. 

Verdict: Good. I ate a pork chop for dinner, which I never do. 

TWO: See the ellipse.

11/21/11.

The lights are out now, I have the blanket over me on the couch. Only the glow of the screen, with the Christmas music. Brenda Lee. Private space. Thank you.

IAWL: Helped G with Q's about grad school, and UM with Q's about BAC.

Verdict: Successful, for this moment right now, the laptop on my lap, the lights out, with the music, about to pass out.

TWO: AGBAGG, see the ellipse.

11/20/11.

Thank you for this clean couch with NO BED BUGS. Thank you.

IAWL: I told E last night that I was glad she came to the reading, that she should come more often. Also asked about Granny in email today, and tried to reassure R over there in LA.

Verdict: It was a lousy day today, research all day, but if I helped R and G and E, it was a worthwhile day/weekend.

TWO: AGBAGG.

11/18/11.

Thank you for my health--that I don't have cancer, that tonight I can sit here on my couch with a clear, optimistic mindset, listening to Christmas music, thinking of home. Etc.

IAWL: I don't know. I am very isolated. Yesterday I told R to have a safe trip, etc.

Verdict: Good. I talked to Steve about his dinner with K's mom at Maggliano's. Rode my bike to Wal-Mart to get a battery for my car. Had bread and butter and angel hair spaghetti.

TWO: A god, but a good god.

11/16/11.

Thank you for cold beer, hot french fries with ketchup and salt. AND THANK YOU FOR NO BEDBUGS.

IAWL: I should have said hello to Joann today, just as a friend. But I did talk to L and D in CNF class.

Verdict: Good. Ate french fries.

TWO: Clothes. What is the deal with clothes. Sometimes I wear the wrong clothes, clothes in which I feel out of place. Also, I need to harness Slade more: 100% confidence, like I am God, but a good god, and a god with dry humor. But need to infuse the Italian, fuse the inventiveness--my own verve. And above all else, remember that Slade has his own internal peace, behind the charade of "importance," and this peace is heavily tied up in the here and now, the simple pleasures of everyday life.

11/14/11.

Thank you for memories of my father.

IAWL: Stopped & talked to R today outside V's. Said hi to LM.

Verdict: Good. Ate fried chicken. Talked to R.

TWO: UJE.

11/13/11.

Thank you for the warm air outside, the open-window weather, in November.

IAWL: Talked to M in the library today, asked her about her classes, etc. Also complimented R on email.

Verdict: Good....rode my bike in the nice air, ate some pepperoni macaroni, and fried chicken.

TWO: UJE. Also, pay more attention to the smell of things, and practice naming smells.

11/8/11.

Thank you for woman, "the smell of her, all fucking warm."

IAWL: Sat down with G and went over his essay with him. Also agreed to read Sena's essay.

Verdict: Good, I helped G.

TWO: UJE. Ellipse.

11/7/11.

I like the way it feels to come in from the rain, especially when you don't have a change of clothes and need to dry yourself off in the bathroom with paper towels. Also, thank you for relative simplicity:

bed bugs (I think)
H&J mess (don't care anymore)
stocks (who knows)

IAWL: I wrote J a nice email. Also agreed to read G's paper.

Verdict: Good. Rode my bike in the rain.

TWO: UJE. What can I do for people that they will remember?

11/4/11.

Thank you for/I like the way that it feels to talk to someone new.

IAWL: Not much. Went out with G to the bars.

Verdict: great day. Talked to two new people. Wanted life to slow down.

TWO: UJE.

11/1/01.

Thank you for being able to sleep on this couch tonight with relatively low level of worry for bugs.

IAWL: I wrote J a nice email today to let her know how great she is.

Verdict: Very good. Talked to a couple new girls. The day can't fail when you talk to someone new.

TWO: UJE.

10/18/11.

Thank you for bed bugs. They make me grateful that I do not have a more serious problem, like addiction.

IAWL: Talked to N today in the office.

Verdict: Good...no peace of mind with these bugs, but I treated people well.

TWO: SOAW<--->UJE

10/17/11.

I like the way looking for bed bugs is like Ahab looking for MD.

IAWL: I covered J's class today.

Verdict: Successful. Paranoid about bed bugs (did they come back?), but I did something nice for someone (see above), so it was a worthwhile day.

TWO: SOAW fused with UJE.


Obstacles to PoM:
-Bedbugs???
-Mess with Jessica
-Its ramifications on my image

10/16/11.

Thank you for mozzarella. Salami.

IAWL: I don't know. Didn't see anyone today.

Verdict: Successful. I remember smiling at the gym.

TWO: SOAW fused with UJE.

10/15/11.

Thank you for a clean, comfortable couch.

IAWL: I tipped the guys who delivered the couch. Also talked to U. Mike last night.

Verdict: Good. I had good peace of mind, talked to Steve, got a lot of work done.

TWO: Need to fuse SOAW with UJE.

Obstacles to PoM:
-Bedbugs
-Mess with Jessica
-Its ramifications on my image

10/6/11.

I like the way I can make jambalaya whenever I please.

IAWL: I paid for G's dinner last night.

Verdict: good. I made jambalaya.

TWO: UJE, GLS.

10/4/11.

I like the way there is SR from Vegas.

IAWL: Need to be nicer to students...ask them individually how they're doing.

Verdict: great.

TWO: UJE, GLS.

10/3/11.

Thank you for Bank America (not).

IAWL: I have been getting better at this lately. Not sure if I did anything today, though.

Verdict: successful.

TWO: Uncle Jim effect. Gls.

9/24/11.

I like the way the cold bites your face when you open the ice cream freezer at the supermarket.

IAWL: I try my best every day. How we treat people is the most important thing in the world. Talked to H today at the gym about the fallout with J. All I can do at this point is learn from my mistakes. Use texts only for purely objective messages (arrange a meeting, say I'll be late, etc.). Also, do not assume I know what a girl's thinking.

Verdict: Good. Great. Got to go food shopping.

TWO: Treating people well.

9/20/11.

I like the way I have nothing to do at all but work.

IAWL: I said bye to L today, one of my students. Small but something.

Verdict: yes.

TWO: UJP, ellipse.

9/19/11.

I like the way I am free.

IAWL: Didn't come in contact with anyone today.

Verdict: Yes, I was thankful, and there was good food.

TWO: Uncle Jim Principle.

9/18/11.

I like the way that I am still free, single, healthy.

IAWL: I was upfront with J today, which was good of me, I think. Also talked to Z at the gym.

Verdict: Y7.

TWO: The Uncle Jim Effect.

9/18/11.

I like the way deli cheese is sliced, with wax paper between the slices.

IAWL: I should have been nice in my text to J today. Could have also made more convo with N when I picked up the WW book.

Verdict: yes.

TWO: being more observant.

While I Had No Internet.

8/18/11-

I like the way it is 108 degrees outside.

IAWL: I gave the couch guy some gas money.

Verdict: Good, I slept, went to the gym.

TWO: gls.


8/20/11-

I am thankful for the party at Zach's last night.

IAWL: I should have said hello to that girl who
walked by on the sidewalk.

Verdict: Good. I went to the gym and swam in the
cool water.

TWO: gls.

8/24/11-

I am thankful for the situation I am in, school, etc.

IAWL: I said hello to people I didn't want to at
orientation today.

Verdict: Good, I got to walk to and from the gym, ride
my bike to school, etc.

TWO: gls, negotiating the freeplay period.

8/25/11-

Thank you for a good first day of classes, etc.

IAWL: I welcomed a new student into the program.
Could have welcomed J&E more.

Verdict: Great. Good feeling in front of classes,
gym at night, talked to steve about good things.

TWO: gls, compassion.

8/29/11 -

I like the way it feels to wake up the next morning after a good night at a reading/party.

IAWL: I wrote Uncle Mike a good email today.

Verdict: 7/7

TWO: confidence

8/13/11.

10,439.

I like the way packing up makes it feel like you are starting over.

IAWL: I TRIED to say goodbye to A.

Verdict: 6/7.

TWO: compassion.

8/11/11.

10,437.

I like the way it feels to walk in wet sandals on grass that is too tall.

IAWL: I moved the car for mom today.

Verdict: 6 x Yes.

TWO: acceptance.

8/9/11.

10,435.

I like when you put the wrong date, and then realize the date is tomorrow's date, and it is like getting a free day.

IAWL: Today I trimmed the bushes for Mom & Peter.

Verdict: Today I was very relieved that the market rebounded. I had good peace of mind, and plus it rained. I was running and it started to rain...amazing.

TWO: Acceptance.

8/7/11.

10,433.

Thank you for dinner with U. Mike and Granny today.

IAWL: Had dinner at Granny's .

Verdict: Good--my mind was at ease most of the day.

TWO: practice non-attachment, acceptance.

8/3/11.

10,429.

I like the way it feels to run in the rain, the drizzle.

IAWL: talked to U. Mike and wrote Chrissy back.

Verdict: I feel good when I get writing done, and when I don't lose money.

TWO: IAWL.

8/2/11.

10,428

I like scooping ice cream with a fork. It means you are eating it with cake.

IAWL: I fixed the shades for Mom/Peter.

Verdict: Good, not great. Stocks lost 2.5% today. I ate ice cream, though, ate shrimp for dinner.

TWO: acceptance.

7/31/11.

10,426.

THANK YOU FOR THE RAIN, and how branches fall in storms.

IAWL: I helped move stuff out of Granny's today.

Verdcit: Very good, defined by my peace of mind, and the rain that fell, and how I sat on the porch and watched it.

TWO: run farther.

7/28/11.

10,423.

I like the way it feels, walking on grass barefoot.

IAWL: I cut G's shrubs.

Verdict: Good, I showed Granny old home videos, wrote a good bit, saw Mia.

TWO: Acceptance.

7/27/11.

10,422.

I like the way people come home, like a phenomenon, you can say, Peter came home, and you hear the door open, the hellos, etc. How easy it is to take this for granted.

IAWL: I drove the kids to swimming lessons for Mom.

Verdict: good day, I wrote, I went for a nice jog through the park.

TWO: Acceptance. Acceptance. Willful acceptance.

7/26/11.

10,421

I like the way iced coffee tastes in the morning.

IAWL: Said hello to Gushka and asked where she was from, etc.

Verdict: It was a good day. I ran in the park, ate well--chicken Marsala for lunch, Asian sesame chicken for dinner.

TWO: acceptance.

7/23/11.

10,418

I like the way Indiana Jones brings me back to childhood.

IAWL: Need to work on this.

Verdict: good, relaxing day of reading and writing.

TWO: IAWL.

7/21/11.

10,416.

I like the way the imperfections in the spackle come to light as the light changes.

IAWL: I helped J with his house.

Verdict: Good. Good Moby-DIck reading time, quiet.

TWO: Think about the day as a day in the morning. ODAAT.

7/20/11.

10,415.

I like the way it feels like a sauna when you step outside.

IAWL: I gave D 60% rather than 50%.

Verdict: Successful. I painted at J's today, and for long periods of time was absorbed in what I was doing, thought of nothing else than the sanding, the painting, etc.

TWO: couch cushions.

7/18/11.

10,413.

I like the way reading can make you feel like you are in another world, and then when you stop, you come back to reality.

IAWL: Hung a mirror today for M & P.

Verdict: Successful, but fretted quite a bit about stx today.

TWO: Wake up earlier, lay off stx.

7/17/11.

10,412.

I like the way dogwood flowers have little crimps in the middle.

IAWL: Asked A to hang out, even if she didn't get back to me.

Verdict: Good. Why? I wrote, read, went to B&N, yes, but also felt peaceful, clear headed.

TWO: WAKE UP EARLIER.

7/13/11.

10,408

I like the way home movies open up another world.

IAWL: Went to Flemings yesterday for dinner.

Verdict: I looked through a bunch of dad's things the Flemings gave me. Lots of good memories. Successful. Ate fresh mozzarella with tomato with Mom. Ate fish for dinner with lemon on it. Talked to Uncle Mike on the phone at night.

TWO:  compassion, reaching out.

7/11/11.

10,406

Thank you for the sprinkle of water that got on my toes when I was watering the tomato plants.

IAWL: Put UM's stuff together.

Verdict: I would say successful. I enjoyed reading Moby Dick, writing, being in the city, listening to the music while driving.

TWO: accepting everything, every mental state that comes my way. Checking stocks AC.

7/8/11.

10,403

I like the way the rain still gets you on the screened in porch.

IAWL: I asked A to hang out.

Verdict: Successful. Got a lot accomplished.

TWO: compassion.

7-7-11

10,402

I like the way you still get a little wet under the umbrella.

IAWL: Sent a msg to U. Bill today on fb.

Verdict: Very good. Need to be careful not to think too much about my situation, condition.

TWO: compassion

7/6/11.

10,401

I like the way the fish sizzles when it hits the oil.

IAWL: ???

Verdict: Successful. Starting to become conscious of the successful-ness of each day--and the extent to which it is or isn't, I'm finding, depends on where my thoughts are, the content of my consciousness much more than the things I am doing.

TWO: compassion.

7/5/11.

10,400

I like the way it feels to drive in the summertime with the window down, at the red light, and the LEDs from the radio.

IAWL: Went to granny's for her b-day.

Verdict: Successful.

TWO: Compassion.

7/3/11.

10,398

I like the way hot dogs burn on the grill.

IAWL: Gave J some fishing lures for birthday.

Verdict: Successful. Had 4th of July BBQ at K's. Felt pretty absorbed in what I was doing.

TWO: IAWL goals.

7/2/11.

10,397

I like the plastic bags we use in the summer time to put all the garbage in, the corn cobs, the watermelon, and then how we put it in the freezer so it doesn't smell.

IAWL: I don't know. I stayed home all day. Didn't talk to anyone, really. Still need to call A.

Verdict: Successful. I was absorbed in the writing for most of the morning. Watched Pale Rider at night. To be absorbed by something--is there anything better--is there anything more spiritual?

TWO: If I default to worrying about $, it is because of evolution, for want of security, rather than greed. That would mean suppressing that kind of worrying is short circuiting a product of evolution.

7/1/11.

Day 10,396.

I like the way Balkie talks on Perfect Strangers.

IAWL: I need to call A to see how her appointment went.

Verdict: Successful. I wrote, I read, I got to sit on the porch.

TWO: Focus more on, dwell on, getting pub'd in Ploughshares.

6/13/11.

Day 10,377.

I like the way mosquito bites itch in the summer and you scratch them and they get red and you think, I probably shouldn't scratch.

IAWL: I don't know. Maybe today I failed in this area.

Verdict: good. I worked at U. Mike's

TWO: see below.

6/12/11.

Day 10,376.


I like the way it feels to drive home from South Philly to Jersey after being a handyman for the day. 


IAWL: I worked for Uncle Mike, helped him get his house together.


Verdict: Good. I am very thankful for this bed, the fan blowing air on me. 


TWO: Reading - 10 p./day min.
         Spanish - 30 min./day

6/8/11.

Day 10,372.

I like the way there are kiddie pools on lawns.

IAWL: I made a joke with D next door, asked JS where he's going to school.

Verdict: great. I drilled in mom's curtains, sat on the porch and read, sold some stuff on CL.

TWO: completing the daily list. Better time management.

6/7/11.

10,371.

I like the way I can see veins through my skin.

IAWL: I cleaned out G's garage.

Verdict: good. Read Moby-Dick, too.

TWO: Focus more on daily list.

6/5/11.

Day 10,369.

I like the way Chinese food comes with the little tubs of duck sauce, and that there is such a sauce called duck sauce.

IAWL: I talked with U. M. today--he called and I answered and had a good talk.

Verdict: Great--I sold some of Kelly's stuff on CL, read, wrote, sat on the porch.

TWO: Live in the couch cushions.

6/4/11.

Day 10,368.

I like the way ice cream is sometimes too hard.

IAWL: I don't know.

V: good. I cleaned out Kelly's garage, wrote, watched Conviction.

TWO: living in love.

6/3/11.

Day 10,367.

I like the way Wendy's has that little sun porch/greenhouse in most of their locations.

IAWL: I worked on G's house today.

Verdict: Good--worked hard at Granny's, slept a snooze, worked on my writing, ate stew & ice cream, sat on the porch in the back.

TWO: living in love v. living in fear.

6/2/11.

Day 10,366.

I like the way mulch smells like manure.

IAWL: Spent time with K on the porch.

Verdict: Successful, my mind was clear and peaceful for most of the day, and I work in the garden.

TWO: Living in love rather than fear.

6/1/11.

Day 10,365

I like the way the humidity feels, all thick on your face.

IAWL: I talked to A's mom for a while today, gave A a t-shirt.

Verdict: Good, I sat in the coffee shop and wrote and talked to people, and sat on the porch.

TWO: living in love rather than in fear.

5/8/11.

Day 10,342.

I like the way diesel smells when you pass the gas station.

IAWL: I called Granny, said happy mother's day.

Verdict: Good, I went to the coffee shop.

TWO: compassion.

5/5/11.

10,339.

I like the way when I was young, and Mom would wash my hair and the water pump would make that noise, kicking in here and there.

IAWL: Well. I didn't really see anyone today.

Verdict: Good, I slept late, returned the Shakespeare books, cleaned out my place a bit.

TWO: Work on transferring binary csness to helping people.

5/2/11.

Day 10,336.

I like the way you put sugar in coffee, then stir it, and it dissolves.

IAWL: I left a memorial story on UJ's memorial site today.

Verdict: Good, I worked on the Shake paper again, read some ALR.

TWO: Need to transfer binary monetary consciousness onto writing--Am I up or down in terms of WRITING.

5/1/11.

Day 10,335.

I like the way hail sounds when it hits the roof of a car, especially when you're inside.

IAWL: I said C will be missed.

Verdict: It was a good day. I wrote Shakespeare all day, but I had eggs for breakfast, and it hailed and thundered.

TWO: Every time I encounter someone I know--even if I don't know them, I guess--I need to funnel my energy into connecting with them, being nice, asking about them, etc.

4/30/11.

Day 10,334.

I like the way the post office asks you if you want cash back, and that there is such a thing as "cash back."

IAWL: I sent S and G a nice sympathy e-mail today, though I feel bad that I won't be going to the funeral.

Verdict: Successful. I worked on my Shakespeare paper all day. It was torture, but torture in a good way, in that it was the only goal of the day, the only focus of my attention.

TWO: Lately I have been judging my own thoughts too much: Am I thinking about the right thing? Am I worrying too much? Am I aware enough? Am I happy? And it creates a kind of paranoia. It's good to have an awareness of what I'm doing, but I need to put more thrust into my writing, my passion, my work, or else life seems too empty, and I have too much space to be aware, which makes me paranoid. I need to remember that happiness needs investment in a passion, not only gratitude and peace of mind. But I do feel very grateful. I feel like I have minimal worries right now, but what I'm noticing is that when too much energy goes into gratitude, life starts to feel emptier. A balance between absorption in work and basking in gratitude is necessary.

4/28/11.

10,332.

I like the way he says "Gulf of Mexico" in Cripple Creek.

IAWL: I talked to D tonight about RSH. I also said to A: "But you're going to survive?" I could have asked more about what was wrong, though.

Verdict: Great. Uncle Jim is almost gone, which is sad, but a great way to immediatize life & death.

TWO: Seeing life (and spending resources) as I do when I'm on vacation--there is a sense of immediacy that puts things in perspective.

4/28/2011

Day 10,328.

I like the way sunglasses make everything dark, and how if you put them on inside, it's too dark.

IAWL: I have nothing today, but I saw a news clip about illegal recycling in China, the people who have to work there. Also, one good way to do IAWL is to ask people if they are going to events, tell them they should go, so they feel wanted.

Verdict: good. I exercised, I read, I am going to watch Alfred Hitchcock Presents.

TWO: Looking forward to the rest of the day only.

4/27/11.

Day 10,327.

I like the way tankers idle at gas stations, waiting to fill the underground tanks.

IAWL: I said thank you to A in S class.

Verdict: good, I had S class, taught, read, slept on a couch.

TWO: focusing on the rest of the day, looking forward to the rest of the day.

4/25/11.

10,326.

I like the way the rainwater gets onto your toes when you're wearing sandals.

IAWL: I sent a card to U. M & A.

Verdict: good...I read today that after his religious rebirth Tolstoy finished each journal entry with "if I am alive."

TWO: compassion.

4/23/11.

10,325.

I like the way cats hide under cars.

IAWL: Today I messaged cousin K to ask about uncle J.

Verdict: great day...I felt very good spiritually, felt as though I reached a turning point where I am able to appreciate the day viscerally instead of just intellectually. I feel like I was somehow able to shift my values so that I care more about the day than about stocks, money. Not sure how long it will last, but it happened.

TWO: Looking forward to living the rest of the day and nothing else.

4/22/11.

10,324.

I like the way I am careful not to open the blinds too much at night, thinking about how they can see me but I can't see them.

IAWL: Went to the reading tonight, talked to N and some other people.

Verdict: Good, I went to the gym in the morning, went to the faculty reading at night.

TWO: Compassion, and seeing mistakes as a tool for shaping the future, a tool for defining oneself, shaping oneself--a positive TOOL that is useful.

4/21/11.

10,323

I like the way the breasts stretch the fabric in between, thin and taut.

IAWL: I was nice to my kids today.

Verdict: Good, I had Shake in the morning, taught in the noon, had form and theory at night.

TWO: compassion

4/20/11.

10,322

I like the way Stone in Love comes on my Journey CD, the way it sounds late at night when I'm driving, a little less familiar than the other songs.

IAWL: I talked to B. Callaway today in San Antonio. She gave me a tour of the Alamo.

Verdict: Good--went to San Antonio. Had a nice drive.

TWO: I need to be more willing to be rejected by girls.

4/19/2011.

Day 10,321.

I like the way 5pm is traffic hour, how the streets get crowded & hot.

IAWL: I held the door for a fat girl today. I also need to pay more attention to kids dropping out of my class. I need to keep on them more. I want to help them get through the class. Too many are dropping out.

Verdict: Good--I had Shakespeare class, taught class, ate Chef Boyardee spaghetti.

TWO: Clearing my head of stocks.

4/18/11.

Day 10,319.

I like the way they ask you at the pharmacy, Do you want to wait or will you come back?

IAWL: I don't know. Didn't talk to anyone today or this weekend. Lots of work.

Verdict: It was a good day. I sat with the window open next to me. I think I am getting better at this. I focused on all the colors and smells at Krogers. The more attention you devote, the better the moment.

TWO: I need to realize that the only thing that really matters is how I treat people. More than that I need to realize that this life is mine, which means I need to pick my own values. I need to stop feeling swayed by society's valuation of things like money and nice things.

4/13/11.

Day 10,315.

I like the way presentations make me a little nervous the night before.

IAWL: I talked to no one today, really. Saw JH in the hall and talked about NB, but that was all.

Verdict: Successful, did a lot of work, enjoyed the air outside.

TWO: Compassion.

4/12/11.

Day 10,315.

I like the way cheese melts on tortilla chips in the oven.

IAWL: Uncle Mike's diabetes have gotten worse. I will have to email him soon.

Verdict: Today was successful.

TWO: Compassion.

4/11/11.

Day 10,314.

I like the way the wind blew in my face while riding home on my bike.

IAWL: I told S I liked her reading.

Verdict: Good.

TWO: Compassion

4/10/11.

Day 10,313.

Oh, folding up a sofa bed, how it goes down, then in.

IAWL: Who knows. Didn't really talk to anyone. Tried to say hi to Dr. C, but he didn't recognize me.

Verdict: Good.

TWO: Compassion.

4/9/11.

Day 10,312.

I like the way pens click, the noise of the clicking.

IAWL: I talked to no one today. But I think at the reading yesterday perhaps I should have been more explicit with my acknowledgments, my how-are-yous. Should have made it a point to tell the readers I liked their stuff.

Verdict: Success. Today was a successful day.

TWO: compassion.

4/7/11.

Day 10,311.

I like the way gas stations are lit up so fluorescent at night, so much brighter than the surrounding parts of town, but you see the fluorescence and you know it is safe under there, supervised in some way, protected.

IAWL: I asked J about next semester, talked to S at the book sale.

Verdict: Good. Successful.

TWO: I need to work on asking people how they are doing, like M did tonight with D in F&T. Also, I need to get away from stocks.

4/6/11.

Day 10,310

I like the way you have to sign on the back of the check.

IAWL: I asked to talk to M on VP.

Verdict: Successful. I did a lot of work. Got a travel voucher.

4/5/11.

Day 10,309.

I like the way Otis lets himself into the cell.

IAWL: Talked to C and S in the coffee shop today, briefly. And J.

Verdict: Very successful. I had conferences, I read, I went food shopping and bought ice cream.

4/4/11.

Day 10,308.

I like the way that cotton sheets feel on my skin.

IAWL: I said hi to B today coming out the elevator. Talked to A, too.

Verdict: Success. I had office hours, CNF workshop.

4/3/11.

Day 10,307.

I like the way eggs cook slowly in the pan, pushing them around with the spatula.

IAWL: I don't know. I emailed J with some nice comments on her paper, etc.

Verdict: good--I had eggs for breakfast, PB&J for lunch, spaghetti with Parmesan for dinner. I read a lot.

4/1/11.

Day 10,305.

I like the way people stand up as soon as the plane lands, and then wait standing up for 10 minutes before the doors open.

IAWL: I met up with S in St. Pete's today, had a couple drinks, tried to be very nice.

Verdict: Great. Almost missed a plane at 7am, checked into the Hilton, drank Yuenglings at night on Tampa Bay.

3/31/11.

Day 10, 304.

I like the way the qwerty keyboard is arranged.

IAWL: I smiled at a woman at the supermarket today.

Verdict: Successful day. I had two classes, taught class in library.

3/30/11.

Day 10,303.

I like the way, when you cut PB&J, how the jelly stays on the outside of the bread from the knife.

IAWL: I didn't talk to anyone today.

Verdict: Successful. I read a lot, wrote some, prepared a Shakespeare prez.

3/29/11.

Day: 10,302

I like the way the sauce tastes in Chef Boyardee canned pasta.

IAWL: I had conferences today with the students. I wish I could have had more time to really speak with them, but I did my best.

Verdict: Successful. I had class, I had conferences, I had a Subway sandwich. I read Zorba.

3/27/11.

I like the way beer bottles are designed so that you need a bottle opener to open them. They could have had a screw top, but I like that you need a bottle opener.

IAWL: I offered Z my computer chair.

Verdict: Success. I worked on my CNF draft, read some at the coffee shop.

3/26/11

I like the way macaroni and cheese has clumps of cheese in it if you don't mix it well enough.

IAWL: I went to H & Z's housewarming party tonight. Not many people there but I went and talked to people.

Verdict: Very successful, I laughed and had a good time at H & Z's.

3/24/11.

I like the way the suds magically spring up when I run the hot water over the liquid.

IAWL: Today I asked J ab. being married, told him congrats.

Verdict: Successful.

3/21/11.

Thank god for my freedom. At times I feel this can't last, something needs to come tumbling down, crushing my freedom.

IAWL: I called A today, asked her about school. I also told J she should come to the reading on Friday. It is good to make people feel wanted.

Verdict: Great.

3/20/11.

I like the way skinny girls look, how their jeans hug their thighs when they sit.

IAWL: Steve is troubled with his life. I tried to give him some perspective.

Verdict: Successful. I broke up with CX. Sad, but the freedom feels right.

3/18/11.

I like the way beer bottles are either twist off or not twist off.

IAWL: I gave a girl next to me the password at big mike's.

Verdict: Good.

3/17/11.

I like the way my teeth feel after I brush and mouthwash.

IAWL: I might have had more to say to Matt at the gym, but I did OK.

Verdict: Good, I wrote a lot, read Stoner, had a Blue Moon.

3/16/11.

I like the way ice cream tastes when you mix it with milk.

IAWL: I should have said better goodbyes last night at Cool Beans. I should have tried to help James more tonight, though I did help him some.

Verdict: Good.

3/15/11.

I like the way the locker room smells, like chlorine.

IAWL: I went to Cool Beans today with the dept.

Verdict: Successful.  

3/14/11.

I like the way a fever can induce spirituality, make you want to just be alone on the couch, basking in the rest.

IAWL: Today I tried to make A feel better about her rejection. I gave my Kroger card to guy ahead of me in line. I gave a dollar to MDA.

Verdict: Good. I read, I wrote. I talked to Christine. I went food shopping for orange juice.

3/13/11.

I like the rainy air coming through the window.

IAWL: I don't know.  I didn't talk to anyone today, really.

Verdict: good.

3/12/11.

I like the way Italian soda seems so crisp and clean.

IAWL: I asked Ari how her new place was working out.

Verdict: Successful.  I read in the grass, sat on a deck in a chair and read, drinking Italian soda.

3/11/11.

I like the way people in front of you in the drive-thru line always take forever.

IAWL: Going to a party tonight at April's.  Will try to be nice, meet as many people as possible.

Verdict: Day's not over, but so far, successful.

3/10/11.

I like the way life seems so angsty, like a relationship will decide the fate of the world.

IAWL: Didn't really help anyone today.

Verdict: Successful.

3/3/11.

I like the way it is not comfortable to sleep with socks on, how you need to take them off when you go to bed.

IAWL: I sent a link to April today to help her with her lesson plans.  I also chatted with Josh and Hillary in class.

Verdict: Successful.  Very excited to see Christine tomorrow.

3/2/11.

I like the way that sometimes clothes don't dry completely in the dryer and you have to hang them up all around your apartment.

IAWL: I ran into April in the coffee shop tonight.  I wanted to do something for her, but couldn't really think of anything.

Verdict: successful, I washed the tub today, and vacuumed, and felt the oscillating fan.

3/1/11.

I like the way that I think about the 35yo me, or the 47yo me, and how I try to anticipate how I will feel about life then, the passions I'll still have and those I'll have lost, the spirits inside of me that are still alive, and those that will be dead.

IAWL: I need to remind myself that really the only thing that matters in any cosmological sense is not how much I participate in class, not how smart my peers think I am, not how good my writing is, or how socially adept I am, or how attractive I am to girls, but something much simpler: how I treat people.  (today I sent U. Mike a joke)

Verdict: Successful--I taught a good class and showed My Cousin Vinny.

2/28/11.

I especially like the way I can get up in the morning and just sit on my couch with cold orange juice.

IAWL: I sent Jacklyn a link today that might help her with her research.

Verdict:  Good--I had office hours today and ate two cold oranges tonight.

2/27/11.

I like the way PB&J sandwiches get smushed if you carry them around in a bag all day, and how, when you take them out in the Ziploc bag, how the jelly has bled through the bread.

IAWL: The other day I talked to Karen just to be nice. I didn't want to--I don't know why--but I did. There is something about her I don't like, but I talked to her anyway.

Verdict: Highly successful, got to go grocery shopping, got to feel rainy air coming through the window.

2/26/11.

I like the way cheap American cheese tastes when paired with pickles, like the McDonald's cheeseburger when I was 5.

IAWL: I talked to Mia today on video chat, etc.

Verdict: Successful--I read a lot, revised some work, talked to Steve, Christine, Mom, Mia, went to the gym and rode a stationary bike and sweat.

2/24/11.

The bitterness of pickles, their rubbery skin.

IAWL: I said hello to Bri today and asked her how her semester was going.

Verdict: Success.

2/23/11.

I like the way oscillating fans leave you every few seconds, and you have to wait for them to come back, only to be left again.

IAWL: I emailed Ari today to see how she was doing.  Also, I made eye contact with Jimmy the bum and said I was sorry when he asked for my change.

Verdict: Yes, today was good.  I had a nice car ride to the county clerk's office.  I had overly sweet coffee.

2/22/11.

I like the way, that little ounce of disappointment when you are expecting a package in the mail and it's not in your box, and you have to wait another 24 hours.

IAWL: I should have been a little friendlier with Sarah today. I was getting into my car and just wanted to get out of here, but I should have at least said her name. But I did stop Juan after class and ask how he was doing with the assignment.

Verdict: It was a good day, successful.

2/21/11.

I like the way eggs taste when they are slightly undercooked and loaded with salt.

IAWL: I sent U. Mike an email, which I think he liked.  Also I called Ari the other day to check on her.  She never called me back, but it was a nice gesture.

Verdict: Success.

2/20/11.

I like the way this morning felt, the way a Sunday should feel, with the air coming through the window, up earlier than I normally am.

IAWL: I don't interact with many people. But my awareness of the idea IS heightened by this little exercise.

Verdict: Yes, the morning itself made it successful.  The air, the feeling of peacefulness.

2/19/11.

I like that way that the cold metal on a pull out couch plays on my bare legs when I get up in the morning.

IAWL: I asked the barista how he was doing today.  That counts for something.

Verdict: Yes it was successful, I read some amazing stories by Carver.  

2/18/11.

I like the way students don't follow directions, how hard it is for them, how every time I collect papers, I know some will not be stapled.

IAWL: I don't come in contact with many people.

Verdict: Today was yet another successful day. I did a lot of work and had eggs for breakfast, pizza for dinner, and I picked the pepperoni off and ate them separately.

2/17/11.

I like the way that I come home from class with a feeling of regret, that I did not talk enough, did not connect enough, did not live up to my communicative potential.

IAWL: I asked John my student if he was OK, and I told Juan to come to me if he needs help.

Verdict: Yes, this is one more day that can be classed as successful.  I talked to Steve about his date with Beka, and talked to Christine about whatever.

2/16/11.

I'm going to say the air, again, from the window.  It deserves two days.

IAWL: It is a wonderful life, indeed, though I really don't come in contact with enough people to "help" them on a daily basis, though maybe this suggests I need to start creating those opportunities the best I can.

Verdict: Yes, today was a good day.  Another unit of life can be wrapped up and labeled as successful.  I don't know what tomorrow will be, but today was successful: I made a plane reservation for Christine, I went to the grocery story and bought yogurt and orange juice.

2/15/11.

I like the way the air comes through the window, when it is first starting to warm up from the cold winter.

IAWL: I tried to help John my student today.

Verdict: Today was great.  Yes, it was a success.  I talked to Christine, I had hot dogs for lunch, I read Hemingway.

2/14/11.

Thank you for Christine.

IAWL: I don't know.  I didn't really talk to anyone today other than small talk.

Verdict: Yes, today was successful.  Back with Christine.

2/13/11.

I like eating pancakes with plastic utensils.

IAWL: I didn't talk to anyone today, besides mom.

Verdict: Begrudgingly, yes, it was OK.

2/12/11.

--

2/11/11.

OK.  Today, I like the way I get this sickness, like a nausea from being alone too long, isolated.  I thought in the coffee shop how nice it would be just to talk to this girl or that girl.  Yet this is what I am thankful for, this sick feeling, the tension, the frustration, the sadness.

IAWL: Well, I stayed in most of the day, save for the gym, and the coffee shop.  I talked to no one at either place.  But I did talk to Joe Bruckner and dad's other friends on the phone today, and that was nice, and I was nice to them.

Verdict: Well, I guess it was a successful day.  I did stuff, I wrote, etc.  But I wonder, what if these are all lies.  What if none of these days have really been "successful"?  What if I said today was a failure.  Hell with it.  Today was a big fucking failure.  I was lonely and sick and sad.  But who gives a shit.  This post is all it comes to, and then it's over, and tomorrow begins.  And the days will keep coming, regardless of my (in)ability to make them successes.  You can have a string of successes, but sooner or later all the deficiencies catch up to you, and what can you do.  Go to bed.

2/10/11.

I like the way that I get sad.  The way that I think about a particular girl, and the way I imagine that life would be so much better if I knew her.

IAWL: Today I did OK.  I could have talked more with my students though in the moments before class started.

Verdict: SUCCESS.  Yes, today was a success, again.  Thank you.  I lived, I breathed, I enjoyed the music, the letter I got from Mia, the walk to class, the cold on my face, the stock market.  

2/9/11.

I like the way cold weather makes us want to drink hot drinks, like hot chocolate with marshmallows.

IAWL: I did better today.  Had a nice talk with the bank teller.

Verdict: Yes, today was successful.  I enjoyed the coffee shop, the reading, the writing, the frigid cold, trying to avoid the ice as I stepped over it, or shimmying across it so as not to slip.

2/8/11.

I like the way I can walk into a supermarket, and they have the shredded cheese, the greens with the mist spraying down, the thousands of loaves.

IAWL: I could have done better today, again.  I could have been more sociable with the coffee guy.  I feel bad for him, working in there every day like a dog.  But I can feel myself becoming more conscious of the effort, which is the purpose of IAWL.

Verdict: Yes, today I enjoyed myself, the meals, the walking to and from class.  Yes, today was successful.  

2/7/11.

I like the way that the nipple still provides such excitement, like candy.

IAWL: I could have done better today.  I could have talked longer to Sara Shr.  I could have talked to people after class, said Hi to people as I came into class.

2/6/11.

It is when I am recording each day that I feel most spiritual, happy.  I like the way that flannel sheets feel on my bare legs, especially when it's cold in my place.

IAWL: (btw, this stands for It's a Wonderful Life.  The idea is to record choices that I make that will help me to lead the kind of life that GB did.  Though, some days it is hard to do, as I don't have any contact with anyone, like today.)

2/5/11.

Thank you for the ability to just sit and read for 8 hours a day.

IAWL: The only person I encountered today was the guy at the bookstore.  But I did thank him.  

2/4/11.

Thank you for the Twilight Zone, late at night, the experience of which is incredibly comforting, transcending.

2/3/11.

Thank you for the coffee shop.  I resolved to go there at least 3-4 times per week.  What a delight, to sit in a peaceful environment with other people around you, working diligently.

IAWL (It's a wonderful life journal): I stayed in most of the day today and interacted with no one but the guy at the coffee shop who made me hot chocolate.  But I was very polite to him and offered to clear the table myself.

2/2/11.

The Lord has blessed us with THREE snow days this week, at least.  We may get Friday, too.  Meanwhile I am holed up in my place, just me in here for 11 straight days with no class, and this is the end of day 6.  I do get lonely but I am thankful for the loneliness, the sheltered-ness.  How many more times will I get to feel this way? Today was a really good day.  I got to read a lot, which is relaxing, and wrote some, too, which always feels good. My dinner was amazing: three chicken thighs, mashed potatoes, corn, and bread, with a sip of vino.

2/1/11.

The morning was really amazing today.  It was a snow day, no school, and the feeling of waking up, seeing the snow outside the window, and having the whole day in front of you, to yourself.  Amazing, with warm socks, etc. "And yet it all seems limitless..."

1/31/11.

SNOW DAY

1/30/11.

I like the way I have complete freedom.  No girlfriend, no wifre...no friends, even.  The day is entirely mine.  Thank you.

1/29/11.

I like the way that the wind blows in warm from the window, just enough to remind me of spring.

1/28/11.

I like the way that Friday night feels pregnant, as if Saturday and Sunday will yawn onward like the ocean, and waking up tomorrow will be like setting sail, soon to be lost in the middle, horizonless.

1/27/11.

I like the way, no, I really love the way, I need to feel as if I am good at something, or at least that I fit into some identity to keep my world from imploding.

1/26/11.

I like the way I can tuck my feet in between couch cushions when reading a book.

1/25/11

Thank you for the nice dinner with music and warm dry socks, etc.

1/23/11

thank you for Italian love songs.

January 22, 2011.

Thank you for warm socks.