3/12/12

Thank you for NO BED BUGS!!!

IAWL: Met and talked to E. from Mexico.

Verdict: Great, see above.

TWO: I noticed several things to say that popped into my head, but I kept them on my tongue rather than let them out. Then I realized they were good things to say, that I should have just said them. In the heat of the moment, I do not recollect these mnemonics. Everything goes to hell. For one thing, I found myself worrying about being smart, funny, confident, when really I should have been thinking of what I write on here every night:Trust instinct. Slade fused with Gateway and UJE. Also need to draw on these mnemonics if needed--the convo one, the throwaway one. Review day's goals in morning.

However, I need to at the same time embrace the person who came out at the banquet: sort of quiet, but has a dry, quiet, contemplative humor. Thoughtful yet humanistic, genuine yet playful. (The "code version of me")

TWO: I need to just talk to people. I hate that I objectify people and only want to talk to certain people. Why not everyone. Need to be much more active, less passive, in meeting people. Practice being Colonel Slade, Gateway, UJE. Practice imposing that feeling I had at J-house tonight, like I was actually a Slade like character. Remember: People love to be talked to! They want you to go up to them! And work on relationship with Self before working on relations with others.

3/9-3/11/12

Thank you for Rachel.

IAWL: wrote to Mia. Made a list of people in my life. Also made the UJE ring.

Verdict: good, I talked to Rachel over email, asked about her weekend. Told her about mine.

TWO: Today was the symposium. Socially: I noticed several things to say that popped into my head, but I kept them on my tongue rather than let them out. Then I realized they were good things to say, that I should have just said them. In the heat of the moment, I do not recollect these mnemonics. Everything goes to hell. For one thing, I found myself worrying about being smart, funny, confident, when really I should have been thinking of what I write on here every night: Trust instinct. Slade fused with Gateway and UJE. Also need to draw on these mnemonics if needed--the convo one, the throwaway one. Review day's goals in morning.


However, I need to at the same time embrace the person who came out at the banquet: sort of quiet, but has a dry, quiet, contemplative humor. Thoughtful yet humanistic, genuine yet playful.

TWO: I need to just talk to people. I hate that I objectify people and only want to talk to certain people. Why not everyone. Need to be much more active, less passive, in meeting people. Practice being Colonel Slade, Gateway, UJE. Practice imposing that feeling I had at J-house tonight, like I was actually a Slade like character.

3/7/12.

Thank you for Dad. Four years, dead and gone. March 7th. One of the few sacred things left.

IAWL: Wrote back to Uncle T.

Verdict: good. I remembered Dad.

TWO: I need to just talk to people. I hate that I objectify people and only want to talk to certain people. Why not everyone. Need to be much more active, less passive, in meeting people. Practice being Colonel Slade, Gateway, UJE. Practice imposing that feeling I had at J-house tonight, like I was actually a Slade like character.

3/6/12.

Thank you for hot dogs. I ate three hot dogs today.

IAWL: Asked A about her problems.

Verdict: good, I ate hot dogs with mustard. Drank a cold Shiner Seasonal at night.

TWO: damn, I need to just talk to people. I hate that I objectify people and only want to talk to certain people. Why not everyone. Need to be much more active, less passive, in meeting people. Practice being Colonel Slade, Gateway, UJE.

3/4/12.

Thank you for Dad. I still think of him every day.

IAWL: Last night I took R & G out to dinner.

Verdict: good, had a Yoohoo at the coffee shop.

TWO: Need to fuse Slade with Gateway with IAWL/UJE, practice loving this person, BEING this person, not just acting like this person at certain moments.

3/2/12.

Thanking is a spiritual activity. Thank you for R and swimming.

IAWL: It is hard to "help" J, though I need to make a better effort at it. It is hard for her to accept "help" from someone you like, I suppose, and she tends to just milk any attention she gets into the bucket of victimization. I want to give her the serenity prayer.

Verdict: good, went in the hot tub with R.

TWO: This is not a show I'm putting on. I need to actually believe in the self, remember the definition of faith. Remember that Slade has all the code hero qualities. Need to fuse Slade with Gateway, practice loving being this person.

2/28/12.

Thank you for the warm spring night air when I came out of class today.

IAWL: Asked N about his trip to Chicago, etc.

Verdict: Good, great air.

TWO: Starting to realize a more holistic approach is needed. Need to work more on the relationship with myself, not with others. The former is essential for the latter. Need to set in stone who I am, how I feel about myself, the persona I want, etc.

2/27/12.

Thank you for pizza dinner with pepperoni.

IAWL: Talked to former student Blake today for a while, told him to let me know if there was anything I could do. Started the IAWL ring. When I do someone a good turn for the day, I move the ring from my pointer to thumb.

Verdict: good. I ate well, talked to Blake.

TWO: Gateway persona. Note how "warming up" helps. Going in cold is no good.

2/26/12.

Thank you for cold rye beer. Ryes & Shine.

IAWL: I told R to enjoy the day.

Verdict: Good, I woke up with a dream in my head, of Dad. He was so real.

TWO: Gateway persona.

2/25/12.

Thank you for the cold glass of beer tonight.

IAWL: emailed K today, though haven't heard back.

Verdict: good, I listened to some music and drank a beer and asked K how she was.

TWO: Gateway persona.

2/23/12. (regrouping)

Thank you for the nice weather.

IAWL: I hung out outside the LANG today and talked to people. This will be the new norm. I think I have also forgotten the premise of the IAWL: to do somebody one good turn per day. It is in the back of my head, but I am not consciously thinking about it. I need to tick off one per day, at least. The task is just to make someone feel good in any way I can.)

Verdict: Good, good weather.

TWO: Practice inhabiting the Gateway persona more. g-blog. No objectifying, talk to everyone. Expand my circle of connection. Be more playful. Focus on being happy, projecting happiness, smiling. Focus more on IAWL.

2/20/12.

Thank you for dinner: Broccoli and elbow macaroni with cheese melted on it.

IAWL: I smiled at an old guy today and he smiled back.

Verdict: Good. Didn't really talk to anyone, connect with anyone, but tomorrow I will.

TWO: Practice inhabiting the Gateway persona more, along with the other stuff on the g-cheat-sheet. g-blog. No objectifying, talk to everyone. Expand my circle of connection. Be more playful. Focus on being happy, projecting happiness, smiling. Focus more on IAWL. Focus on CONFIDENCE. 

2/18/12.

Thank you for meeting E at the coffee shop this morning.

IAWL: I could have done better today. Though I was very nice Miriam, my student, told her to let me know if I could help her out in any way, etc. Though I should have said hello to T, and the other girl, K, both of whom work at the library. I did say hi to K, but maybe I should have talked to her more.

Verdict: Amazing. Met E at the shop.

TWO: Practice inhabiting the Gateway persona more. g-blog. No objectifying, talk to everyone. Expand my circle of connection. Be more playful. Focus on being happy, projecting happiness, smiling. Focus more on IAWL.

2/16/12.

Thank you for tuna salad sandwich.

IAWL: Talked to A & T after Peters' class.

Verdict: Yes, good, I talked to some people today.

TWO: Practice inhabiting the Gateway persona more. g-blog. No objectifying, talk to everyone. Expand my circle of connection. Be more playful. Focus on being happy, projecting happiness, smiling. Focus more on IAWL.

2/15/12.

Thank you for the opportunities to meet new people EVERY day, even if I don't always realize them.

IAWL: Talked to PM in the coffee shop. Also talked to L in F's class. But I have to admit I am perhaps slipping in this regard. I walk out of class alone way too often. I should be walking out with other people. The most important skill in life is knowing how to talk to people, and I still haven't mastered this.

Verdict: Good, I think another test is this: Do you go to bed excited to wake up the next morning, eager for the sleep to be over with? Today, yes.

TWO: g-blog. No objectifying, talk to everyone. Expand my circle of connection. Be more playful. Focus on being happy, projecting happiness, smiling. Focus more on IAWL.Need to talk to people while walking out of class. 

2/14/12.

Thank you for a trip to the grocery store.

IAWL: Talked to N and S in Peters' class.

Verdict: Good, I talked to people today.

TWO: g-blog. No objectifying, talk to everyone. Expand my circle of connection. Be more playful. Focus on being happy, projecting happiness, smiling. Focus more on IAWL.

2/12/12 - 2/13/12.

Thank you for The Outer Limits. Though it is hard to be thankful on days like this. I feel very much alone and I'm not sure how to get out of it. Scary. I have been here before, comes in stages and phases. I feel like I need a salve at night, a balm.

IAWL: Asked R what was going on at her place--?

Verdict: good french fries at night.

TWO: g-blog. No objectifying, talk to everyone. Expand my circle of connection. Be more playful. Focus on being happy, projecting happiness, smiling. Focus more on IAWL.

2/11/12.

Thank you for 32 degree weather, the visit to the laundromat, and for spinning class.

IAWL: I am lacking in this. I need to pay more attention to making people feel loved, important, etc.

Verdict: Successful, I went to the laundromat. Went to spinning class and talked to the instructor for 30 seconds.

TWO: g-blog. Be more playful. Focus on being happy, projecting happiness, smiling. Focus more on IAWL.

2/8/12.

Thank you for hot bath.

IAWL: told L to let me know if I can be of any help.

Verdict: good, I enjoyed the chicken noodle soup.

TWO: g-blog. Better use of time. Wake up earlier.

2/7/12.

Thank you for delicious chicken salad sandwich with pickles and american cheese.

IAWL: Sent UM an email with info he wanted. Talked to S in Peters' class.

Verdict: Yes, such a good chicken sandwich.

TWO: g-blog. UJE. Ellipse.