2/28/11.

I especially like the way I can get up in the morning and just sit on my couch with cold orange juice.

IAWL: I sent Jacklyn a link today that might help her with her research.

Verdict:  Good--I had office hours today and ate two cold oranges tonight.

2/27/11.

I like the way PB&J sandwiches get smushed if you carry them around in a bag all day, and how, when you take them out in the Ziploc bag, how the jelly has bled through the bread.

IAWL: The other day I talked to Karen just to be nice. I didn't want to--I don't know why--but I did. There is something about her I don't like, but I talked to her anyway.

Verdict: Highly successful, got to go grocery shopping, got to feel rainy air coming through the window.

2/26/11.

I like the way cheap American cheese tastes when paired with pickles, like the McDonald's cheeseburger when I was 5.

IAWL: I talked to Mia today on video chat, etc.

Verdict: Successful--I read a lot, revised some work, talked to Steve, Christine, Mom, Mia, went to the gym and rode a stationary bike and sweat.

2/24/11.

The bitterness of pickles, their rubbery skin.

IAWL: I said hello to Bri today and asked her how her semester was going.

Verdict: Success.

2/23/11.

I like the way oscillating fans leave you every few seconds, and you have to wait for them to come back, only to be left again.

IAWL: I emailed Ari today to see how she was doing.  Also, I made eye contact with Jimmy the bum and said I was sorry when he asked for my change.

Verdict: Yes, today was good.  I had a nice car ride to the county clerk's office.  I had overly sweet coffee.

2/22/11.

I like the way, that little ounce of disappointment when you are expecting a package in the mail and it's not in your box, and you have to wait another 24 hours.

IAWL: I should have been a little friendlier with Sarah today. I was getting into my car and just wanted to get out of here, but I should have at least said her name. But I did stop Juan after class and ask how he was doing with the assignment.

Verdict: It was a good day, successful.

2/21/11.

I like the way eggs taste when they are slightly undercooked and loaded with salt.

IAWL: I sent U. Mike an email, which I think he liked.  Also I called Ari the other day to check on her.  She never called me back, but it was a nice gesture.

Verdict: Success.

2/20/11.

I like the way this morning felt, the way a Sunday should feel, with the air coming through the window, up earlier than I normally am.

IAWL: I don't interact with many people. But my awareness of the idea IS heightened by this little exercise.

Verdict: Yes, the morning itself made it successful.  The air, the feeling of peacefulness.

2/19/11.

I like that way that the cold metal on a pull out couch plays on my bare legs when I get up in the morning.

IAWL: I asked the barista how he was doing today.  That counts for something.

Verdict: Yes it was successful, I read some amazing stories by Carver.  

2/18/11.

I like the way students don't follow directions, how hard it is for them, how every time I collect papers, I know some will not be stapled.

IAWL: I don't come in contact with many people.

Verdict: Today was yet another successful day. I did a lot of work and had eggs for breakfast, pizza for dinner, and I picked the pepperoni off and ate them separately.

2/17/11.

I like the way that I come home from class with a feeling of regret, that I did not talk enough, did not connect enough, did not live up to my communicative potential.

IAWL: I asked John my student if he was OK, and I told Juan to come to me if he needs help.

Verdict: Yes, this is one more day that can be classed as successful.  I talked to Steve about his date with Beka, and talked to Christine about whatever.

2/16/11.

I'm going to say the air, again, from the window.  It deserves two days.

IAWL: It is a wonderful life, indeed, though I really don't come in contact with enough people to "help" them on a daily basis, though maybe this suggests I need to start creating those opportunities the best I can.

Verdict: Yes, today was a good day.  Another unit of life can be wrapped up and labeled as successful.  I don't know what tomorrow will be, but today was successful: I made a plane reservation for Christine, I went to the grocery story and bought yogurt and orange juice.

2/15/11.

I like the way the air comes through the window, when it is first starting to warm up from the cold winter.

IAWL: I tried to help John my student today.

Verdict: Today was great.  Yes, it was a success.  I talked to Christine, I had hot dogs for lunch, I read Hemingway.

2/14/11.

Thank you for Christine.

IAWL: I don't know.  I didn't really talk to anyone today other than small talk.

Verdict: Yes, today was successful.  Back with Christine.

2/13/11.

I like eating pancakes with plastic utensils.

IAWL: I didn't talk to anyone today, besides mom.

Verdict: Begrudgingly, yes, it was OK.

2/12/11.

--

2/11/11.

OK.  Today, I like the way I get this sickness, like a nausea from being alone too long, isolated.  I thought in the coffee shop how nice it would be just to talk to this girl or that girl.  Yet this is what I am thankful for, this sick feeling, the tension, the frustration, the sadness.

IAWL: Well, I stayed in most of the day, save for the gym, and the coffee shop.  I talked to no one at either place.  But I did talk to Joe Bruckner and dad's other friends on the phone today, and that was nice, and I was nice to them.

Verdict: Well, I guess it was a successful day.  I did stuff, I wrote, etc.  But I wonder, what if these are all lies.  What if none of these days have really been "successful"?  What if I said today was a failure.  Hell with it.  Today was a big fucking failure.  I was lonely and sick and sad.  But who gives a shit.  This post is all it comes to, and then it's over, and tomorrow begins.  And the days will keep coming, regardless of my (in)ability to make them successes.  You can have a string of successes, but sooner or later all the deficiencies catch up to you, and what can you do.  Go to bed.

2/10/11.

I like the way that I get sad.  The way that I think about a particular girl, and the way I imagine that life would be so much better if I knew her.

IAWL: Today I did OK.  I could have talked more with my students though in the moments before class started.

Verdict: SUCCESS.  Yes, today was a success, again.  Thank you.  I lived, I breathed, I enjoyed the music, the letter I got from Mia, the walk to class, the cold on my face, the stock market.  

2/9/11.

I like the way cold weather makes us want to drink hot drinks, like hot chocolate with marshmallows.

IAWL: I did better today.  Had a nice talk with the bank teller.

Verdict: Yes, today was successful.  I enjoyed the coffee shop, the reading, the writing, the frigid cold, trying to avoid the ice as I stepped over it, or shimmying across it so as not to slip.

2/8/11.

I like the way I can walk into a supermarket, and they have the shredded cheese, the greens with the mist spraying down, the thousands of loaves.

IAWL: I could have done better today, again.  I could have been more sociable with the coffee guy.  I feel bad for him, working in there every day like a dog.  But I can feel myself becoming more conscious of the effort, which is the purpose of IAWL.

Verdict: Yes, today I enjoyed myself, the meals, the walking to and from class.  Yes, today was successful.  

2/7/11.

I like the way that the nipple still provides such excitement, like candy.

IAWL: I could have done better today.  I could have talked longer to Sara Shr.  I could have talked to people after class, said Hi to people as I came into class.

2/6/11.

It is when I am recording each day that I feel most spiritual, happy.  I like the way that flannel sheets feel on my bare legs, especially when it's cold in my place.

IAWL: (btw, this stands for It's a Wonderful Life.  The idea is to record choices that I make that will help me to lead the kind of life that GB did.  Though, some days it is hard to do, as I don't have any contact with anyone, like today.)

2/5/11.

Thank you for the ability to just sit and read for 8 hours a day.

IAWL: The only person I encountered today was the guy at the bookstore.  But I did thank him.  

2/4/11.

Thank you for the Twilight Zone, late at night, the experience of which is incredibly comforting, transcending.

2/3/11.

Thank you for the coffee shop.  I resolved to go there at least 3-4 times per week.  What a delight, to sit in a peaceful environment with other people around you, working diligently.

IAWL (It's a wonderful life journal): I stayed in most of the day today and interacted with no one but the guy at the coffee shop who made me hot chocolate.  But I was very polite to him and offered to clear the table myself.

2/2/11.

The Lord has blessed us with THREE snow days this week, at least.  We may get Friday, too.  Meanwhile I am holed up in my place, just me in here for 11 straight days with no class, and this is the end of day 6.  I do get lonely but I am thankful for the loneliness, the sheltered-ness.  How many more times will I get to feel this way? Today was a really good day.  I got to read a lot, which is relaxing, and wrote some, too, which always feels good. My dinner was amazing: three chicken thighs, mashed potatoes, corn, and bread, with a sip of vino.

2/1/11.

The morning was really amazing today.  It was a snow day, no school, and the feeling of waking up, seeing the snow outside the window, and having the whole day in front of you, to yourself.  Amazing, with warm socks, etc. "And yet it all seems limitless..."